“Something wonderful is about to happen”
That is one of the prayers I say each morning…. It is hope and joy… believing …. having the faith and trusting that God has the most wonderful plan in store for me. That what He has in store for me is the most amazing thing imaginable. I say this as I wait. And wait. And wait. waitwaitwait. Praying. Hoping. Trusting. Trusting being the key word here… that God will bring me to the place I need to be.
I am waiting to find out where I will be working next school year. Right now I am a long term substitute special education, case coordinator, resource room teacher (yes all that and a bag of chips). I am grateful and thankful for the opportunity to have this job. I finally feel, after all these years, that I am doing what I am supposed to do. I enjoy my job and after several months of wonderful crazy chaos and confusion I feel confident that I can do this and do it well. As Joan of Arc once said, “I was born to do this.” Of course I am still learning and making mistakes… I am not in any way, shape or form perfect (HA!). I know with time I will get better… but at this point I feel good about this position, like I am where I am supposed to be. God brought me along this road. Thanks be to God!
After being a Para educator for a year, I felt like I needed to do more, that this was not where my journey ended. (Holy Spirit touching my heart). So I went back to school to get my Master’s in Special education. It took me two years (online through the University of Phoenix)… a lot of reading and many papers later… I am proud to say I did it (I am a Phoenix!). I completed the student teaching practicum at the school where I am working now. I received a GPA of 3.99 (slacker! Ha!). When it was completed it was the middle of the school year (December) … all I could do was look for a long term sub position. While I waited I was a substitute teacher (for any subject) for the school I worked for… then a substitute position as a case coordinator came up a month later. I was so thankful for the opportunity to put into action what I had learned. I am thankful to the school and grateful for all the help I received as I was thrown into the deep end with the sharks (hahaha)… or as my boss said, “Baptism by fire!” when he saw that overwhelmed ‘holy smokes!’ look on my face that first day. Seriously, I am thankful to all the people at the school who taught me, guided me and had patience with me. Of course I am eternally grateful to God for placing this opportunity in front of me.
Now, as the year comes to a close I wonder where I will be next fall. There is an opening at the school for a case coordinator starting next school year, the same job I am doing now, and I put in for it. But who knows IF I will be chosen. There may be someone else more qualified. They may have their hands tied and have to cut teachers because of the budget or because of a low numbers of students. I cannot assume they will hire me. So knowing this I also applied to several other schools. But! I want to be at this school, the one I am at right now. I know the school, the staff, the teachers and students … it is close to home… I am comfortable here.
So I pray that I get the job as a case coordinator there. Praypraypray. In scripture it states, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7 and “Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.” Mark 11:24 and “If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.” John 14:14. And then there is the story of the woman who annoys the judge askingaskingasking and he finally gives in to her because she is persistent. Well… I have been asking. I have been praying, hoping… BUT butbutbut…
I also know… that I should not want my own will. I should desire God’s will for my life. What does God want me to do? Where does God want me to work? Where does God need me now? Where does He need me to be so that I can make a difference in someone’s life? Where does God need me so that someone can make a difference in my life? Where do I need to go to learn what I need to for the future? It may be somewhere I don’t want to be, but God knows it’s what I need. What if…. And I don’t want to say this… but what if God does not have a job as a special education teacher for me right now? What if he wants me to do something else? Or not work at all… (o.O)
I know sometimes I have to step out of my comfort zone and go where God wants me to go. I know it all comes down to trusting Him. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3: 5-6. He knows what is good for me. “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11. I need to trust. I need to follow Him. I need to see when a door is closed and accept it and move on. I think I fear that I will not see clearly where he wants me to go. A prayer I say every morning, “Reveal to me your will and I will follow you.” and “God, my Father, calm my spirit and direct my path.” and “I surrender myself to you and your will. I pray that your will is my desire.” And there is this prayer, “Father, I abandon myself into your hands; do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you; I am ready for all. I accept all. Let only your will be done in me, and in all your creatures—I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into your hands I commend my soul; I offer it to you with the love of my heart, for I love you Lord, and so need to give myself, to surrender myself into your hands, without reserve, and with boundless confidence, for you are my Father.” Brother Charles of Jesus.
I need to trust that He has a better plan then I can ever imagine. Something wonderful. Just trust Kelly… just trust…
“Oh for the peace of a perfect trust my loving God in thee: unwavering faith that never doubts thou chooses best for me. Best, though my plans be all upset; best, though the way be rough; best, though my earthly store be scant; in thee I have enough. Best, though my health and strength be gone, though weary days be mine, shut out from much that others have; not thy will, Lord, but thine. And even though disappointments come, they too be best for me, to wean me from this changing world, and lead me nearer thee. Oh, for the peace of the perfect trust that looks away from all; that sees thy hand in everything, in great events and small. That hears thy voice- a Father’s voice- directing for the best. Oh for the peace of a perfect trust, a heart with thee at rest.”
I will continue to ask in prayer… maybe what I want is His will for me…. I know Padre Pio, I know…