Honestly… Epic Lenten Fail

st francis lent

St Francis should be disappointed in me (but I know he is not)….

The other day one of my best friends from my hometown texted me about how she loves the Lenten season. Hm. Honestly I cannot share her enthusiasm. I always feel that I fail at Lent. I fail, not only at fasting from… whatever, but at having a powerful spiritual experience during Lent. Doesn’t happen.
One year I was trying to be super holy and I gave up something like ten things and when I went to reconciliation to complain about how pathetic I was at failing at my long list of “fasts” the priest kindly chided me, “Just pick one thing!”

upset meme
A co-worker/friend asked me today why I “give something up” and I came clean. I said, “Actually I gave up junk food mostly because I am trying to lose weight.” He thanked me for my honesty.
Giving up Facebook seemed like a big deal for me … but honestly …was it? Do I miss it now, almost 3 weeks later? Hm. Well, when I really think about it, sure I do miss FB … but really … I have not been thinking about it all that much now and hey, I am good. Shrug. I don’t miss it. It’s nice to take a break. And yeah it will be nice to go back to being on social media again. But. I am good now. It is not affecting me. It does not feel like a horrible sacrifice.
The other day the idea came to me that next year I should fast from buying anything for myself during Lent. That would be hard… about as horrible as giving up coffee for Lent, which I did last year and I wanted to seriously maim someone. Not good. And what if I really need something? Ugh. Maybe not.
The big question I need to ask myself is~ What am I getting out of my fasts? Am I growing closer to Christ during this Lenten season by fasting in this way?… because really that is what it is all about. And I can honestly say: No. I just took something I enjoy out of my life and I just do other things to fill that time. I fail because I need to fill that time with Jesus somehow. But I don’t.
Thing is~ I need to find something new to do during Lent. It doesn’t seem fresh or interesting anymore. I need to plan what I am going to do for Lent a month or so before Ash Wednesday. It doesn’t need to be a huge thing, but I do think I need to plan it and perfect what I want to do. Something epically holy.
Because right now it just doesn’t seem like I am climbing that mountain. I am just stuck in the doldrums, a dark night, going nowhere. I should be experiencing something. I should be getting something out of this. I want to be new once Easter comes. But usually I am just thankful Lent is over and that I can finally do or have what I wasn’t allowing myself to do or have. Like, “I did it!” woo hoo. great. But am I changed? because I should be. I should be new. Resurrected.

Only two-ish more weeks of Lent. So I will soldier on with what I am doing. Acknowledging that I have epically failed this year… But next year. Ah. Next year I will definitely DO something amazing … something amazing that brings me closer to Christ. Because facebook and junkfood fasting just ain’t doin it…

Actually I think I am going to give up saying ‘epic fail’ right now.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Catholic, Christian, Facebook, Faith, fasting, Jesus Christ, Lent, Secular Franciscan

One response to “Honestly… Epic Lenten Fail

  1. Joe

    The question we need to ask about our Lenten fasting is; “What does it do to me after Lent” As I tell the grade school kids, if your Lenten observance doesn’t make you grow closer to Jesus, it’s a waste. I find things that give me time are helpful. We can name hundreds of things we do that are time wasters. (Facebook, Netflix… The internet in general) Remember you don’t have to be all or nothing. One year I have up they internet outside of the school library. Thus most browsing ava checking was brief, little time wasting… That extra time should atleast to some part be deliberately focused on prayer. If I give up something that cost money, then almsgiving is the second part of that

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s