Monthly Archives: July 2016

Nursed with the Word

After reading a quote from our beloved Papa Bene yesterday I was inspired to write this poem…

flower

Plant the seed of the Word

                      into me

          nurture it

water it

                      bless it

feed it with your light, Lord

call it forth

          whisper

                               songs

                                             psalms

       soulful

                        joyful awakening

Green heads popping up

          bursting through

my pain                         my sorrow                              my weakness

flowers 2

Let it bloom huge

                                     musky flowers

                   heady with intoxicating angelic perfume  

spraying hues of truth

                   through my veins

                                            And butterflied laughter

                             out my shining eyes

butterfly

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Filed under Catholic, Faith, God, poetry

Wake Up Dead

Heart

“The greatest gift that we can receive from God in the present world is this: To know how, to desire, and to be able to conquer self by renouncing our own will.” St. Francis of Assisi.

Careful what you pray for. Yeah. Again I prayed for something and did not expect the response… I had prayed that God would help me get in shape and lose weight. Yeah, I prayed that.  I have been struggling with some extra weight and I felt like I was getting nowhere… so I prayed about it. Please help me Lord. So what happens?  Last Thursday night I wind up in the Emergency room because I thought I was having a heart attack! Yeah really!  If that’s not a wakeup call, supernatural slap upside the head, I don’t know what is!

Now I’m not saying that God is a big meanie … no I know God is merciful and loving… hey, I admit, it’s all my fault. Sure I exercise ~ I bike 14 miles on the rail trail, lift weights and use the elliptical at Planet Fitness pretty much 5 days out of the week… but my diet…. Heh … here I was asking for help and I was not holding up my end of the bargain. I eat too much (though most of it is healthy, well, maybe not most) and I snack too much…  like a whole bag of Veggie Stix… yeah they’re made out of vegetables…  but I scoff down the  WHOLE BAG! Yeah. That. Years of eating like that.

So last Thursday I had been feeling like someone was squeezing my heart. All day.  I had felt this on and off during the week but on Thursday it was a continuous feeling of a pain in my chest. Right in my heart. I assumed it would just go away. Nope.  So at about midnight I was lying in bed with this chest pain thinking, “What if I am having a heart attack?”  I also had shortness of breath and a weird sensation/pain up my left arm. Knowing that women can have different symptoms than men I began to get nervous. I also have a heart murmur. What if I go to bed and wake up dead? O.o  Seriously.  Yup I came upon that dreaded moment… what if I die now?  What about my family, my boys, my friends, my students, my collection of short stories I never published … 50 is too young! AH!

So I woke up my husband and told him what I was experiencing … off to the hospital (props to my hubbie who stayed up 40 hours with me!) and they did the usual battery of tests, blood work, chest x-rays, stress test (running on a treadmill without a bra! Woo hoo hahahahahahha!)

Here I am all hooked up, yeah right on my tattoo of the Sacred Heart of Jesus

my heart attack

… but it all came back negative for a heart attack. It wasn’t my heart! So of course I had sent out messages for all my friends/family to pray for me… what a great feeling to know that so many were praying for me (such love!). But once it was all said and done I kind of felt like an idiot when it wasn’t a heart attack. I know that sounds weird… but when they said it was probably reflux I thought… “Huh. …really? That’s it? It really felt like a heart attack! Reflux sounds lame and embarrassing.” Yeah I know. Silly me. It was good news and I was getting all embarrassed. Duh.

So this was God telling me, “Hey, Kelly. You asked me to help. This is where you are now.  You have to eat healthy now or this pain will not go away.  You have to eat a restricted diet. You know I love you and you know you have a lot more to do. So you have to get healthy. You got this girl.  I am with you.”  Okay. Got it. I don’t like it.  But hey, I usually need a divine dope slap to get me to take things seriously. I know, I know we are not here forever so I need to take better care of myself.  

I needed help conquering self.  Daily conversion. Transformation. Yeah  I know… but I thought I could eat ice cream and potato chips while transforming… hmph.

Okay Lord, I will try harder. Thanks for  not giving up on me.

 

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Filed under Catholic, Christian, Faith, Heart attack, Uncategorized

Year of Mercy… During an Election Year

year of mercy

Yeah I don’t know why it didn’t hit me before… coincidence ..? Hm. I think it dawned on me at the beginning of July when I was doing my morning prayers, my St. Maximilian Kolbe consecration to Mary and July’s intercession is: “That resentments and anger may never stifle our ability to love.”  Bam. Right smack in the middle of the Black Lives Matter/5 police shot in Dallas/the FBI overlooking Hillary’s shenanigans …  ETC. Yeah. That. Being my obnoxious, opinionated, conservative, catholic self I have a hard time NOT saying anything. It’s hard to not get caught up in the political snarling debates, fiery posts attacking, actually, both candidates, and posting witty cutting un-merciful memes on Facebook.  It’s hard to be kind because I am disgusted and discouraged by the state of our nation.   It’s hard to be merciful to those who have differing opinions when it just feels like they are ruining the country with their division.

Mercy3-300x258

At times I just don’t want to be merciful…  I am too angry and disappointed to ‘let it go” to “agree to disagree”  I want to rant and rail… sigh. But as a Catholic in this Year of Mercy …. I need to step back and assess the situation.

So there’s mercy. Be merciful like the father. Luke 6:36. The logo for this year. Heck I may hate what the “other side” says.  I may think they are wrongwrongwrong WRONG!!!! about so many issues. Case in point:

black lives matter

… I may think they are ruining this country. I may think the Founding Fathers are rolling over and over (and over!) in their graves … 

founding fathers rolling

but… Mercy. Be merciful like the Father … He forgave all of us (we all matter!!).

Jesus all lives matter

Though we may not like what others say or do… we need to show them mercy. Yeah, I know. Garshblamit. I don’t want to. I DON’T WANT TO! … It’s hard.

God is always asking me (you, us) to step out of that comfort zone and BE that kind, caring, compassionate, merciful Christian, especially when we don’t want to.  (Especially when they are wrong about so many issues… .) He never said it would be easy… He actually said living this life would be hard and many people will despise us for it… but we don’t have to despise them back…

This is going to be challenging for me and I know I will blow it several times (wanting to post that funny, yet obnoxious meme that shows Hillary’s hypocrisy!) but I am going to TRY to be less me and more Him. Like the Father~ Merciful.

Yeah… I’m going to need a lot of prayers…

mercy 2

“Mercy is the force that reawakens us to new life and instills in us the courage to look to the future with hope.” Pope Francis.

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Filed under Catholic, Christian, Election Year, Facebook, Year of Mercy