Category Archives: Peace

Give Me Rest

fdgh

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28

*Sigh* Thank you, Lord.

As the dust settles on yet another crazy, stressful school year I am finally able to exhale and smile.  I made it. Relief floods me and I am finally able to rip that burden off my shoulders and stomp on it. Hahahaha die, die, DIE! Mwuahahahahaahaha …

teacher

 oops… sorry about that.

 … Ah, summer.  A long sweet, green road stretched out before me….  I so need this summer break… time at the lake, bike rides on the rail trail, camping, water parks, and mountains of novels… ah. So looking forward to doing a whole bunch of wonderful nothing. I so deserve it.

I survived yet another hell-ish year. Why do I do this? (Suffering to save souls! Hahahaha!!!) Because I love it!! Hahaha! Well, I suppose I cannot say it was all hell-ish, because it wasn’t. I love my students~ I feel I make a difference in their lives. They are why I do this! I am their mom at school.  They are “MY” kids!  I just received yet another email from a grateful parent, thanking me for all I have done for her daughter and wishing me a wonderful summer. I also received gifts and cards and best of all ~ hugs… actually… best of all: seeing 8 of my students, who I have been on my caseload for 3 years, graduate!!! I know this is important work… even when there are some who do not see how much I do, how much I care, and the extra ten miles I go to make sure my students have what they need to be successful… but we won’t go there… I won’t get into not being appreciated. I know the reason why I do this and that is all that matters.

God placed me on this road for a reason. And this year He saw how difficult and stressful it became for me….  So He did me a favor. He shut a door. He made me stop. He made me rest.  I will not be teaching summer camp this summer.  Though at first I was a bit upset by this…  now I see it is a blessing in disguise.  I now see its benefits and I have decided this is the best thing that could happen to me this year… a well-deserved rest.  Time to just BE with him, with my family and rest.

Sure I have plans to clean out the basement, scrape wall paper and paint bedroom walls, work on my collection of short stories (maybe get it self-published?!!) … but my most important mission this summer is to just be still, be quiet, to sit out back in the sunshine, look at the blue sky and be calmed by the tall whispering trees …  and, what I need most, to just listen to God. My life has been so chaotic and noisy these past several years. I need to just BE. I need to just be with God ….  to quiet my soul in His presence.

I need this… I need to be human again…

teacher human

Thank you Abba Father.

girl praising

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Lord, I Need You

God of Peace
I was just sitting out back with my dog Cooper, listening to the crickets and birds… enjoying the breeze, watching the trees sway and play hide and seek with the setting sun. It was the most peaceful I have felt in a while. Grace. I asked for the gift of peace today at Mass and I received it.

Recently I have felt like I am under attack. I have this feeling of dread and anger and bitter disappointment plaguing me … not sure why. Maybe it’s because the NH Rachel’s Vineyard team has reassembled … maybe because a new year of Life Teen has started … and he, the deceiver, the liar, does not like it, he knows the good we can do in the world.

This morning as I read the Magnificat before Mass I was struck by Ephesians 4: 1-3. “I, then, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” That stopped me in my tracks. I needed that. I needed to stop. He had been whispering lies in my ear and I needed to remember my purpose; to preach the gospel with my life. To be love and peace… but I was not feeling that at all… this darkness surrounded me, poked me, whispered in my ear… made my head spin and made me seethe … He wanted me to lose my temper. He wanted me to lash out and quit. He wanted to ruin me.

My friend reminded me that

The enemy fights hardest

And she reminded me: when God wants you to grow He makes you uncomfortable … ugh. Maybe God wants me to do new things … Maybe. Not sure. Usually if I make plans God laughs. I have no idea where God is taking me or what He wants me to do this year … but I realized today maybe God wants me to rely on Him more, spend more time with Him. To be silent and to grow in my spiritual life, because I have been too loud in my head and he cannot speak to me when the crazy noise of the world takes up residence in my skull.

Mass… ah, the peace of the Mass soothed me this morning. Psalm 54. The Lord upholds my life. … behold God is my helper; the Lord sustains my life. And then James … cultivate peace. … and the Gospel according to Mark… the first shall be last, be a servant… be like a child… and then I was slayed by a song. Our band played, “Lord, I need you.” And I lost it. I wept. How beautiful.

I needed a visual: All I could do… I climbed into God’s lap like a child, curled up, snuggled up next to Him. He hugged me to Him and wrapped His wings around me; sheltering me. Lord, I surrender. I am not strong enough. I am too angry, to bitter, too weak. I give it all to you. Help me. Give me the grace to move forward as I should. Give me Your peace. I cannot do it without you. Your grace is enough. If you want me to move on or want me to try something new I am ready. But please give me your grace…. Your peace.

held_by_jesus

Thank you.

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Filed under Catholic, Faith, God, Grace, Jesus Christ, Peace