I am a precious fool.

As usual I am “winging it”… trying to figure this whole blogging thing out…so bare with me and I fumble through this process on my first day. Precious fool and all, ya know.

I suppose I should start this blog by explaining who I am and why I chose the title “Precious Fool” for this blog …if I had to explain myself in a nutshell (which immediately made me think of Austin Powers, but please, get that image out of your head!) I would have to say that I am: Catholic, conservative, pro-life, special education teacher, wife and mother of three sons.  I USED to be a liberal, pro-choice wild woman years ago, well, not that long ago … but that’s not to say I am not still wild in my own (new) crazy interesting way. Most people seem to think us conservative Christians are some boring, prudish _________ (fill in the blank with some sort of mindless nasty profanity…)… but let me tell you, being a conservative Catholic is FAR from being boring.

I am having a blast BEING Catholic: practicing and learning about my beautiful faith. Hey, I just got back from Eucharistic adoration, LOTH (praying the Liturgy of the Hours) and daily Mass at my parish. AWESOME! Yes …you heard that right, cousin, I said it was awesome. Yeah, I know, there are those who wonder, “What is this crazy woman talking about? Church is not interesting or cool. It’s boring.” Oh BUT you are sooo wrong about that. Catholic Mass is AMAZING. It is heaven on earth. Seriously. Read the book of Revelation again and get back to me… (or read Scott Hahn’s The Lamb’s Supper… that’ll explain it for ya)… anywho… where was I? Constantly derailed and confused…. oh yeah~ My interesting and exciting Catholic conservative life. Yes. Hm.  Are we (Catholics and all Christians) not being persecuted by our government right now with this whole HHS mandate? If you don’t believe me go ask my man Archbishop Cardinal Timothy Dolan (or Hobby Lobby, God bless them!). Seriously… it’s exciting.. because we have to fight this evil! WOOT! Our religious freedoms are being trampled upon! YET It is disturbing (that more people don’t see this or are indifferent to it!) and scary (what is going to happen?!) … but excitingexcitingexciting at the same time. I am the church militant! I am a prayer warrior! We will defeat this… (or we will have a good time singing songs in our jail cells together)… oh … hm. Which brings me back to the topic at hand… “Precious Fool”… yeah.

So several years ago I was on team for the woman’s May Cursillo at St. Basil’s in Methuen, Massachusetts….wait, what? You don’t know what the Cursillo movement is? … well, if I told you what went on at Cursillo I would have to kill you… (hahaha j/k… but no serious, I would)… it’s a weekend retreat (oh! but it is much more than that! but that is not my point… moving on!!!) so one night during our team meeting, we were praying, preparing, discussing, sharing and singing…   we were singing the song, “You are my All in All” …  great song, right? (OH you need to hear them sing it at Basil’s at Monday night liturgy! Beautiful!  Gives me God bumps! ..but I digress)… so my partner in crime (during Cursillo), Kate, who is not shy and has a great beautiful booming voice, sang this verse: “Seeking you as a precious jewel Lord to give up I’d be a fool.” in a unique and hilarious way. She sang, “Seeking you as a precious fool….” BWUAAhahahahahahahahahahaa …well forget IT! I could NOT stop laughing HYSTERICALLY … I was crying I was laughing so hard… try singing a holy song while trying to control your laughter… it’s not easy!  I could notnotnot control myself…. even when it was over I was trying to stifle a laugh as we went on with our team meeting. I failed. Remember being in school and your friend made you laugh in class and you were overcome with the giggles and you couldn’t stop… but you had to and you tried but didn’t succeed in controlling yourself (and got in trouble with the teacher?!)… yeah that’s what happened. Me…snorkling like a fool. I was useless. Riddled with giggles. Anyway… it made me think. Precious fool. That is perfect. We are all precious in the eyes of God, right? Yes (nod your head). And I am a fool for Christ…. wait, you say,  what does that mean you ask: Well let’s ask St Paul: Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a “fool” so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written: “He catches the wise in their craftiness”and again, “The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile.”So then, no more boasting about men! (1 Cor 3:18-21).  I will happily be mocked, scorned and abused for my belief in Jesus Christ and my Catholic faith. I am a precious fool. So there you go.

Oh St. Francis of Assisi was also called God’s fool. and I am a Secular Franciscan (I am not professed YET, but I am a member of the Greccio Fraternity)…. I will write about being a Sec Fran (as my husband calls it) another time. Man there are many things to write about… I am also writing because at the moment I am not working. I just finished grad school and student teaching special education in a high school (LOVED IT! I miss them!) and I am looking for a job (which is hard mid-year) … and I am on the sub list, but they have only called me once this week… poo. I was a sub in a Spanish class, good thing I took French in high school. HA! …Anyway.. lots to write about… but I should save it for another day… I could go on and on.

Precious fool, signing off.

Set the World on Fire

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Wow. What wisdom.

It has been too long since I have written… blogged…. and what a perfect feast day to jump back into it.  Ah, one of my favorite saints, St. Catherine of Siena, though it is very un-catholic of me, I like to think of her as one of the most “bad-ass” female saints (right up there with St. Joan of Arc) … for she was very outspoken and persistent, something I strive to emulate. I need to be strong like her, strong in faith  … it seems recently I really need strong Catholic women (saints) I can look up to!

These past several months I had fallen into a mini dark night of the soul… this oppressiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger clutched onto me and would not let go… and I couldn’t seem to drag myself out of it.  So I persisted through it, offering up my sufferings and praying through it.  Of course trying to understand why we go through moments (months!) like these is sometimes next to impossible, we cannot see what it means now …. we just need to trust that He is doing something important. For God has a plan and He is working in us, making us better people, making us holier.  Though I, of course, did not feel holier during this time.  I felt like an epic failure. Was I supposed to learn something? (I didn’t). Was I supposed to be kinder and forgiving? (I wasn’t). Was a supposed to learn patience? (Good God I hope not!).  Or maybe I was just supposed to suffer yet endure. I have also been reading St Faustina’s Diary recently (another amazing saint!) and boy did she suffer a lot!  So I understand that at times we must suffer for God to work.  But suffering is just that… so painful, suffocating, difficult and draining…  how can I continue on when I feel so oppressed?

Why am I bringing this up on St Catherine’s feast day?  Well, here are two very powerful quotes that I feel help me get through.

Bam! Be who you are meant to be.  That simple. God made you unique. There is no one else like you. There is a reason for that. So BE that person he created you to be, because no one else can do what you do.  No one else can set the world on fire like you!  Don’t let others drag you down and tell you to be something you feel you are not.  The only changing you should be doing is becoming more of a Christ like YOU (if that makes sense). God made me like this… at times outspoken  (obnoxious might be a better description. haha) … and rebellious and radical.  He did not mean for me to ever sit quietly and not speak out when I see something wrong. He made me like this!  So I find offense when I am admonished (and silenced) for speaking out, for asking questions or when I point out hypocrisy.  Hey!  Back off! Good wants me to be me.  I have struggled with trying to understand how I am supposed to act and who I am supposed to be … but I  now know that God wants me to be me, it’s that simple.  He wants me to set the world on fire in my unique way. He wants me to speak out.  Which brings me to this next infamous quote.

YES! I will not be silent. She is right… especially now… the world is ROTTEN ROTTEN ROTTEN (Yes three rottens!!!) because of silence… especially recently…. everyone is so afraid to speak out about life, marriage and gender (among other things!) … and now we have lost the battle (read Matt Walsh’s book The Unholy Trinity, Blocking the Left’s Assault on Life, Marriage and Gender… he explains it all!) … It disturbs me that so many do not speak out! … but we should not give up! We need to continue to cry out!  So I will be ME and I will be brave… I will CRY OUT!

So thank you St Catherine for your wisdom! Know that your words give others like me the faith to be the strong Catholic women we are meant to be.